Adieu
by indulgence
Summary: PostGSD: Athrun and Cagalli had parted ways during the war without much of a goodbye. There are things that should not be left unsaid a simple goodbye is one of them.:Ch3: Cagalli did not know how to deal with him, the man she dreamed of returning:AxC
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Do not own Gundam Seed/Destiny. If I did Athrun would be literally handcuffed to Cagalli. Anyway, be warned full of angst and drama.

Set after five years after GSD. Please review.

**!-!-!**

He shifted his weight as he waited for the door to open. Once he heard the door creaked open, he sighed.

In his 23 years of life, Kira Yamato has gone through a lot, perhaps more than a 40 year-old would. He shook his head, a familiar lump forming in his throat.

"Kira!" The red head exclaimed shaking him from his thoughts.

"Hey, Meyrin." He replied, giving her a small smile. "Is Athrun home?"

The young woman nodded and stepped aside to let him in. "He's in the kitchen." He quietly thanked her and shifted his eyes to his surroundings.

He saw it to be as he has last seen it and glanced back to the woman beside him, quietly wondering how she will be affected by the news he was about to pass on.

In all honesty, the few times he had visited Athrun, Kira never got past being mere acquaintances with Meyrin. He had always felt awkward at the situation at hand.

Upon observing the impasse between his sister and his best friend, he knew never to bring up the topic between either two—unsure of their reactions.

And so, he never questioned Athrun about the nature of his relationship with Meyrin.

"Kira!" Athrun grinned, as he engulfed him in a hug. "What a nice surprise! What brings you here? You should have called. I could have picked you up."

Kira shifted his weight and gave him an uneasy smile.

"Don't worry about it."

Athrun's wide grin slowly crumbled, as he took note of his friend's uneasiness. He had a sinking feeling inside; there was something terribly wrong.

He watched his friend's haggard form politely declining Meyrin's offer for drinks.

"Is everything alright, Kira?"

Kira's eyes fleeted from his face to Meyrin's, looking uncertain. "I need to talk to you Athrun."

Meyrin watched the exchange at the corner of her eye, before she quickly faced them with a half-hearted smile. "Well, boys, if you need anything. I will be in the other room."

Kira's eyes quietly followed Meyrin as she left the room, before turning his attention back to Athrun, who eyed him worriedly.

"What is it? Is it Lacus? Is she ok?" Kira shook his head; eyes were beginning to fill again with tears—tears he had been trying to keep at bay.

Athrun felt his breath hitched, his heart hoping against all hope. Because if there was another person that Kira cared about a lot, it was _her_. He leaned against the counter for support.

"Athrun," Kira whispered hoarsely. "It's Cagalli…she's dying…"

**!-!-!**


	2. Ch 1: Entre

Disclaimer: I do not own GS/GSD. If I did Athrun and Cagalli would never have _left_ that island where they first met.

A/N: _Italics are flashbacks. **Italicized and blocked texts are Meyrin's thoughts. **_As warned in the prologue this is full of angst. Thank you for those who reviewed. It is very much appreciated. The chapter's title "Entre" is French for "in-between."

**!-!-!**

She found him in his room—standing by the window, with his olive eyes glued to the park across the street. She sighed. When they had moved in to the apartment a few years ago, she never asked why he chose to occupy the much smaller guest room, when there was a bigger bedroom just across the hall. It wasn't until later when it dawned to her that the park he often contemplated at was the reason for his decision.

It reminded him of what he had left behind.

She grasped the doorway and leaned her head against her arm. Little memories she had tried to ignore or at least deny began resurfacing from the back of her mind. And she was finding it harder to see him through her tears.

_Take care of him_

The young woman had said to her long ago as she pulled her aside. Her face carried only sadness and those eyes—those eyes of amber spoke volumes of the regret that she felt. Meyrin wiped away the tears that fell on her cheeks. She would never again see those golden eyes be as expressive as they were that day. When Meyrin saw her in a televised news conference, her eyes took Meyrin by surprise. They were full of nothing, just as how Athrun's eyes would be when he thought no one would notice.

She shut her eyes, wanting to shut everything away.

Why did everything turn out like this? Everything to be not so wrong, nor to be so right. Why had she done it? Why in that split of a second did she decide to risk her life to help this man, who's back always seemed to be half-turned from her? Half-way here and half-way somewhere else. Just as she felt he had always seen her: always in between—between who she really is and the shadow of the young woman, she could never call her _rival_. Because in reality, Athha-san never had competition when it came to _him_. Why did _she_, even for a moment, believed she could? She sniffled.

"Meyrin?" The quiet voice asked in surprise. "Are you alright?"

She brushed him off with a weary smile. "You're leaving aren't you?"

"**_You're leaving me, aren't you?" _**She wanted to ask him.

His face fell and his eyes moved away from her form. "I haven't decided on it."

"**_Bullshit! Don't lie to me!" _**Her mind screamed.

"Athrun," She whispered hoarsely. "You don't have to explain anything to me. I know. I heard your conversation with Kira today."

"Meyrin…" He gazed back at her and she felt even smaller in his darkened room. His eyes, they always seemed so far away. She clenched her fists. Was it out of anger at him? Or at herself? To think that those few times he would hold her close, it meant something tangible—something she could hold on to and have her hopes cling to it.

She waved his words away. "I'm not blind Athrun." Her voice steeled, frustration rising in her chest. "I know that I'm nothing compared to her and that you never saw me in _that_way, even if you tried. She needs you. And you…_you_ have always needed her."

Athrun stood there, her words piercing him. "Meyrin….I….I never meant for all this…"

"**_How can you say that? Every little things matter…even…even if we were stuck in between..."_** Her mind cried out.

She shook her head. "Don't…just don't say anything." She was about to reach out to him but quietly pulled away. It was too hard. It was too hard to hold someone who isn't really there.

"_**It would have been easier…if you could only be honest with yourself…if I could..."**_

Foolish. She was foolish. Her throat felt hoarse and scratchy, the tears were beginning to prick her eyes. "Just know that I'm here for you." She choked out. "You will always be welcome here."

"…_**with me…"**_

He stood there, staring blankly down at his hands—uncertain of what to say. Meyrin smiled at him sadly, before she turned to walk out of his room.

"I'm sorry." His voice softly whispered. Quietly, she tried not to think that her heart is slowly breaking apart.

"_**It's too late now…isn't it?"**_

Before she could think of the words she would want to say to him, her mouth opened and her voice quivered. "You should tell her that, Athrun. She'll forgive you."

She didn't wait for his response as she quickly exited the room, tears streaming unbidden down her cheeks.

"_**We were always in between, aren't we Athrun?"**_

**!-!-!**


	3. Ch 2: En Noir et Blanc

Disclaimer: Do not own Gundam Seed/Destiny.

A/N: _Italicized text are flashbacks. **Italicized and bold text are Athrun's thoughts. **_This chapter is very Athrun introspective. He is a very brooding boy. Thank you for the reviews. They keep me going.

* * *

**Chapter 2:En Noir et Blanc (In Black and White)**

* * *

Athrun sat in pensive silence, his breath haggard like his thoughts. He couldn't muzzle the growing agitation his mind currently strived on. Surreal. Everything around him was surreal. His eyes glazed over to the passengers bustling in, searching for their designated seats. For a moment, his sight settled on a young couple across the aisle, their animated bickering reached his ears and tugged at his heart. He shifted his eyes and tried to push away the thoughts that clamored to be heard as he slouched deeper in his plush seat and tilted his head back on the head rest. He shut his eyes. Thinking never did him any good.

* * *

Another sigh escaped his lips, sleep had grudgingly eluded him. His fingers dug in to his midnight hair when he leaned more on his open palm—his right elbow sharp against the shuttle's window sill. The black nothingness of space stared challengingly at him. 

Black. The symbol of evil, a shroud of darkness, the source of misery and pain, and the murderer of righteousness. White. The epitome of purity, a cloak of innocence, the banner of truth and justice, and the slayer of immorality.

Black & White. As a soldier, Athrun knew these colors well. These were the only colors the military had taught him, and far from being disgruntled, he had been quite content with the knowledge given to him. It had made his life impossibly easier—following orders from superiors became his forte as he settled on his already settled life.

Everything had been in order; he hadn't even tried. At twelve, he had been engaged to a popular songstress, without the tribulations of courtship. At fifteen, he had taken command of his own unit of ace pilots, without much opposition. At sixteen, he had carried a political clout, without his own encouragement.

Black & White. These were the colors he had been taught well. Black was for his enemies. White was for his colleagues and himself. It was easy. And it hadn't taken long for him to associate black as the color for the naturals, while the color of white draped around the shoulders of coordinators. He hadn't seen that the red blood of Junius 7 was beginning to meld with the whiteness of their principles. He hadn't seen that it had begun to taint it darker and darker with revenge. It hadn't matter to him. Because he too had already been filled with dark hatred.

He had become too blinded to see the blood that ran across the line between the opposing colors, indistinguishably bled the two together.

It hadn't been until the blast of the other cockpit that had seemed to awaken him to the reality. The reality beyond of what he had known. Beyond the colors that had steadfastly held the order of his crumbling life.

He could remember the way his hands had shook, finally seeing the blood that had dripped from his hands, and his mind had been filled with images of the torn body of his childhood friend; even the smell of burning flesh had seemed to filter in his nostrils.

And somewhere along the line, he had wondered, what was black? And what was white? When all he could see was blood flowing like rivulets across the land?

It had been her voice full of anger that jolted him from his contemplation. He had turned to her in a half-daze, mirroring the tears that unceremoniously had fallen from her eyes; the gun in her hands had wavered from him. He had seen in her eyes that pain she felt at what he had done, but it had also been accompanied by sadness, sadness for him. And when she had suddenly launched herself at him, her arms wrapped around him, the feeling of shame grew. His mind had been tentative on a single thought: he didn't deserve it; her kindness was better off given to someone who wasn't disillusioned.

"_**..if only you and I…"**_

"Cagalli." Athrun whispered in a strangled voice, these thoughts that often lingered in his mind was yet again becoming too much to bear. He straightened up and stretched his back, while he waited for his turn to leave the shuttle, his mind somewhere else.

Even though at that time, he had only met her twice, he had already been able to read in to her personality. She was rebellious, quick-tempered, blunt, and loud. She wore her heart in her sleeve, and her face showed her emotions in all honesty; she had never bothered hiding them. As she had stood there in front of him, clasping her necklace around his neck for his protection, his mind grinded him on how she embodied everything he knew to be wrong.

His father would have called her impulsive. But to him, she was passionate and the world around her was vibrant with colors, colors Athrun had been taught to ignore.

As she waved at him, in the background of the setting sun, Athrun struggled. He was caught—caught between what he knew and what she was representing. His life may be broken, but it was the only life he knew how to live. That was then he decided rather suddenly that he wanted to protect her, whose will was far stronger than his. Because as long as she breathed, there was hope, hope that he too one day could see things just as clear.

"**_But it's too late now, isn't it?"_**

His mind retorted. The young man tried to clear his mind, trudging silently down the terminal. The blast of humid air warmed his skin as his eyes scanned the crowd outside, until it rested on a familiar face. Colonel Kisaka approached him silently, his face neutral—belying him nothing. For a moment, Athrun was uncertain on what form of greeting he should relay, but the older man relieved him of his concerns as he stretched out his right hand. After taking his hand in a firm handshake and exchanging pleasantries, he quietly followed the older man, his thoughts recalling a revelation made to him only days ago.

"_It's Cagalli…she's dying…."_

_He glanced sharply at his friend, his knees suddenly felt wobbly. "..W-what?...What do you mean?" He felt his fist circle around his necklace, all thoughts seemingly far away. He barely heard Kira's strangled voice as he made his way to sit down._

"_..she was always tired. But we always assumed it was because she worked herself so much." Kira explained in a small voice, taking a seat across him. "It wasn't until about two months ago…that I realized that she was keeping it to herself." Kira's eyes moved away from his, his voice sounding like a plea. "I didn't know…that she had been sick often, until Mana finally tol--"_

_Athrun suddenly launched himself on Kira, grabbing the collar of his shirt. "You're her brother! Her twin brother! How can you not know?" It wasn't until then, did Athrun realize his friend was trembling._

_Kira's lips formed a sad smile. "Cagalli…she never wanted anyone to worry about her." He mumbled, untangling Athrun's hold on him. "She didn't want to let anyone down. And she can be stubborn like that." Kira's laughter sounded hollow in his ears and he watched him slide back down to his seat. Athrun took a step back, his heart throbbing uncontrollably against his chest._

"_How long?" He dared steal a glance at Kira, who looked evenly at him._

"_The doctor said," Kira took a sharp breath. "he said a few months…it depends how she responds to medication…but he's not optimistic about it."_

_Athrun sat quietly, digesting his words, before he started shaking is head._

"_No…no…it can't be true. The media would have been all over this."_

"_Why would I lie? What reason does she have?" Kira said indignantly, before sighing. "Cagalli is bidding her time to announce her resignation until she finds her predecessor."_

_Breaking the eerie silence, Kira's chair scratched the tile floor as he stood up. "I need to go my flight will be leaving soon." Finding him unresponsive, Kira turned and headed to the door. He stopped when he heard his voice._

"_Does she know?"_

_Kira craned his neck to look at him, contemplating the meaning of his words before shaking his head._

"_Then why?"_

"_Why what?" Kira frowned._

"_Why are you telling me this?"_

_Kira sighed. "Because if it was Lacus, I would want to get my chance in saying my good-byes."_

Instinctively, he reached out to his chest, thumbing the protruding shape of the Haumea pendant and frowned. He should have given it back to her. Maybe it would have protected her from this sickness that is slowly eating her away. He clenched it tightly in his hand, the cold slab of the stone warming at his touch.

Did he not promise to protect her? The feeling of guilt sagged down his shoulders as the car he rode passed by building structures. Why had he allowed his demons haunt him as it had done so in his past? She had tried her best to fill that hollowness that echoed emptily in him.

Oh, he had been lost.

And though he knew the mistakes in his past, he let doubts clung into him. And she couldn't fight all his battles with him. She had hers to fight and she did not fare better than he did.

And somehow, though he hated to admit it, he knew that when he had left her with a ring in her finger, it was an act of desperation. A need to hold her onto him. Their lives seemed to have forked in the middle, and he, he let himself be drowned away from her with the banner of white, which Chairman Dullindal had blatantly waved before him.

He sighed.

A soldier will always be soldier.

And black and white will be the only colors he would be able to see.

Kisaka regarded the young man at the corner of his eyes. He knew that look of deep in thought of memories that should not be lived on. It was the same one he would catch Cagalli to be sporting in those quiet moments in her office when she would think no one would notice as she would clasp a little ring around her fingers, eyes straining to see in the past. He moved his eyes back on the road, his heart going to the brooding man.

"How is she?" The soft voice broke the silence.

Kisaka briefly met his eyes and gave him a small smile. "She is faring well. We have relocated her away from the city, to the house in Providence." Athrun nodded before looking away, staring at the landscapes that flew him by.

"Am I to see her today?" He asked timidly, heart beating fast.

"Would you rather not?"

"It's not that." He shook his head, biting his lips. "I don't know if she would want to."

Silence emanated once again, as the truck rolled on. Athrun was grateful that Kisaka had not pried more, uncertain himself on how he truly felt on the matter. He returned his attention to the sights that they passed by. They had left the city behind for quiet some time and were traveling to a relatively more provincial area.

The shadows upon the mountains created an illusion of movement as the trees swayed casually with the breeze. Athrun breathed in the fresh air, which trickled in his body. He sighed. He missed this. He missed her.

The last time he had seen her was that day the Archangel launched out of Orb to the Plant for the last battle. It was the last time he had laid eyes on her. He had that uneasy feeling when she would carefully look away from him during her farewell speech. It wasn't until she saluted did he noticed what he had been dreading all along. Her hand was bare—a naked truth that caused him to hold his breath, afraid his heart would sink further.

_**Was that it, Cagalli? Was there no goodbyes?**_

He spared Kisaka a glance, who kept his eyes on the road as they drove higher on the mountain ridge. He wondered how Kisaka took the news of Cagalli's health; this man who has watched over her as if she was his own daughter.

As if Kisaka knew his thoughts, he broke the silence. "Cagalli is a strong woman."

"Yes. She is." Athrun looked away. "Colonel Kisaka, is she in a lot of pain?"

Kisaka stopped the car, in front of the gate, and grimly faced him. "I would lie if I said no. But she is not one to give up." He watched the young man's face sadden at the revelation, and then turned to the guards posted at the gate, who saluted him in return.

They passed more trees before it revealed to an expansive garden, at the end to which a mansion stood. Kisaka stopped the truck in front and motioned Athrun to the house. "Mana is waiting for your arrival. She will direct you to your room."

"Thank you, Colonel." Athrun gathered his suitcase and exited the vehicle.

"Athrun." He turned back to the older man. "The war had asked sacrifices from each one of us. The one she had made was perhaps done not only at her expense but yours as well. It was a difficult decision and she did it unwillingly."

* * *

Athrun followed the car with his eyes until it disappeared from his view. The words that were spoken to him, eased away some of his uncertainties. He directed his eyes to the plump woman who was heading his way—waving wildly at him. 

"Zala-sama! It's nice to see you! How was your flight?"

"It was alright, Mana. Thank you." He gazed around his surrounding as they walked up the stairs. "Is Kira and Lacus with us?"

"Yes. They are with Cagalli-sama right now." She opened a door for him and pointed the interior. "This will be your room, Zala-sama." He politely thanked her before walking in. "Would you like me to announce your arrival?"

"No. That will be alright, Mana. I would like to surprise them."

"Very well, sir." Mana smiled back at him and left him at his own device.

* * *

He walked quietly along the hallway, careful as to not direct anyone's attention to him. He followed the sound of indistinguishable voices down to the parlour. As he reached closer, the sound of her laughter reached his ears, and he felt his heart tighten. Upon the archway of the room, he remained still watching her chat animatedly to her sister-in-law. From where he stood, Athrun felt his heart stopped. Her golden locks were a bit passed her shoulders, yet disarrayed like a nymph's who has run gaily through the forest. Her cheeks were a bit gaunt, but they had a tint of red blush rising. 

Words he had been practicing caught his throat, and he was left gaping.

And for what it was worth, when her golden orbs found him, he felt all his insecurities flashing right before him.

They were as fiery as he remembered them.

She gasped and suddenly stood up, causing Lacus to turn around. He offered them a small smile.

"A-athrun," Cagalli's hands were shaking. "What are you doing here?"

* * *

Please review. Let me know what you think. 


	4. Ch 3: Rêver D'Espoir

Disclaimer: Do not own Gundam Seed/Destiny.

A/N: Sorry for the long wait. I hope that you will not be disappointed with this chapter. Again, thank you for those who have reviewed this story. Special thanks to Lamu, who corrected my French. Sorry for butchering your language, I was really bad at it in school. Also thank you to PaolaAdara for pointing out something I gravely forgot to explain, I hope that this reposted version would be more of an explanation.

* * *

**Chapter 3: Rêver D'Espoir (To Dream of Hope)**

* * *

Athrun watched her walk calmly away from him. It took all of his will to restrain himself from grabbing her by the wrist and making her stay. But he saw the way her eyes had looked at him. They were mired with anger and a sliver of pain. And those were enough to keep him still.

He sighed, seeing her walk away from him, reminded him of a past he wanted to forget. Yet again, his past found a way of sneaking up to him. He just _couldn't _get away from it.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and turned to the sight of sympathetic eyes staring back at him. "Why did you lie, Athrun?"

"I didn't know how to tell her the truth." He shrugged. Honestly, how could he tell Cagalli that he was there because she was dying? How could he tell her that it wasn't until Kira had told him the news did he felt that he could face her?

Lacus shook her head. "Perhaps, you should try talking to her again."

He glanced back to the hallway Cagalli had disappeared to, part of him hoping that she would return. He had been afraid of this, of her pushing him away, of her wanting nothing to do with him; and to his dismay his fears have seemingly been justified. Shrugging his shoulders, he quietly spoke of the words that haunted him. "There is no point. Clearly, she does not wish to speak to me." Then he quickly excused himself and started to retrace his steps back to his room.

"Athrun," Lacus narrowed her eyes, and called out to him. "Tell me then, if not to speak with her, why are you here?"

He stopped in his tracks, and took in a shaky breath. "I wanted her to tell me that everything will be alright." He turned his head slightly back at her, eyes moist. "I wanted her to tell me that all of _this _is just a dream."

Lacus looked on worriedly at his retreating figure; shoulders hunched, hands shoved in his pockets. "You shouldn't have come then." She whispered to the empty room.

* * *

Her eyes filled with tears, hands clenched tightly in to little fists.

_**Why now?**_

She breathed raggedly, the throbbing against her chest increased.

Ever since that day she had stood numbly at the dock, eyes blankly following the shrinking form of the Archangel, she thought of the many ways she would see him again.

As she would lie down in bed, when she is in between consciousness and slumber, she would let herself dream. Dream of the many ways she would see him again.

And they _always _had a happy ending.

Because in dreams, fairy tales _do _happen; and princesses always end up with their princes.

She buried herself deeper in the cushions, letting them catch the saltine tears she shed.

She may be a princess in all technicality, an ungraceful one at that, but she was foremost a politician.

And politicians were never dreamers.

They were realists, who only considered the objectivity of things, not its subjectivity.

When she was younger, she had the luxury to afford that, to run around as she pleased and dream. She was so full of dreams. And when she had met him, she befriended him because she wanted him to dream and hope. But that was before she had to shoulder the responsibility of running the country she had inherited—suffocating the dreams out of her, crushing the childish hopes she tried to cling to.

But _he_—he seemed to turn the tables at her. Instead of her giving him hope, it was he who gave her hope. He always made her feel like this, always made her wonder and dream of the what-ifs.

What if _that_ day, instead of pushing him away, she opened her arms to him once again and told him—told him that she would wait for him—told him that everything would be alright—told him that despite of all the things that have happened he would still have a home with her?

She let out an exasperated sigh.

He had always done that; make her feel uncertain of herself. She never understood why or how. But she knew that he did. And when he had stood before her at the parlor, she had honestly thought that she had been dreaming, and she wanted to throw her arms around him. But one look at those intense pair of olive eyes, she knew that it wasn't and reality began to set in, her political mind wasted no time to point out a simple fact. He shouldn't be here. So _why_ was he?

And as she listened to his explanation that he was just dropping by to visit old friends, she knew he was keeping something from her. Uncertain of how to confront him or perhaps lacking the energy to—still reeling from the shock of seeing him, she did the only things she could at the moment: she walked way.

For all the skills she had acquired as a political leader, Cagalli did not know how to deal with him; the man she dreamed of returning.

Bouts of cough racked her body, and she pushed the pillow against her face, hoping it would muffle the sound. Her face felt warm and her throat dry. She tried to cool herself as she drank the glass of water by her bedside, her other hand fumbling for the medicine on her nightstand. She held the glass tighter and bit her lip, a single thought passing through her mind.

_**Athrun…**_

* * *

His eyes flickered to the empty seat at the table, before he glanced to the woman who placed her hand over his. "Don't worry about it, Kira."

A strained smile lighted his features, "I can't help it. She's been in her room since this afternoon." He slightly turned his head to the side. "Can someone tell me what happened?" Athrun carefully looked away and merely shrugged, eyes stared down at the food he had left untouched. Kira looked at the similar state of his plate. It seems they all lacked appetite tonight. Lacus sighed at the two men, and returned to her task, piling bits of food to an empty plate.

Kira watched her curiously. "What are you doing?"

"I'm taking this to Cagalli. I _know_ she's hungry." She smiled. Athrun suddenly stood up, causing the other two occupants to turn their attention to him.

"I'll bring it to her."

Lacus looked at him uncertainly. "Athrun, I don't know if that's a good idea."

He shook his head. "You were right earlier. I should speak with her. All these years, I've left many things unspoken—I took my time, because I thought she would always be there." Athrun felt the lump forming in his throat, and tried to swallow it down. "And when I lost her after the war, I thought to myself that sooner or later I'll wake up from this dream." His gaze moved to Kira. "And when you told me that she was dying, I realized then, that I had waited too long and seeing her this afternoon…I… _this_ was never a dream to begin with." He took a shaky breath, trying to calm his emotions, and gazed back to Lacus. "Please, I just want to tell her…and if she does not want me here…I'll leave." He added with difficulty.

Kira grimly watched his friend disappear in the dimly lighted hallway with a tray of food at hand. He wrapped his arms around his fiancée's waist and settled his chin against her cheek. "Are you sure it's alright?" Lacus leaned in to him.

"He cares deeply for her. And you know that she does too. Don't worry so much."

Kira merely sighed in response.

* * *

The moment she heard the creak of her bedroom door, she knew that it was him. Cagalli kept her back to him, reddened eyes staring at the wall ahead.

He squinted in the darkened room, until he surveyed her sitting form at the edge of her bed. The door clicked soundly behind him.

"Cagalli…" He approached the bed and began uncertainly. "Lacus thought you would be hungry, so I've brought you some food." When she made no move to acknowledge him, he settled the tray on her nightstand, and proceeded to her side.

"How long?" Her curt voice interjected, breaking the still silence of the room and halting his movement. He leaned against the wall closest to her side and frowned.

"Pardon?"

"How long have you known?" Cagalli turned her eyes to his, he held them for a second before turning away, his heart heavy with sadness. Even in darkness, he could see the light that shone in them. But sooner or later, even that light would flicker and succumb in darkness. The truth twisted his lungs and left him breathless.

He looked down at his feet. "A few days ago."

Whenever her suspicions were confirmed, Cagalli's features were often graced with a satisfied smirk, but this time, she felt her heart wrench at his answer. A part of her still hoped that she was wrong, the other part sneered at her seeming naivety nature. Hope? She was dying. What more can she hope for? She gave out a chuckle, but in Athrun's ears it rang cynically. "Cagalli…"

She waved him off. "It was Kira, wasn't it?" Loss for words, he merely nodded his head. "I thought so." Cagalli stood and slowly faced him. Athrun observed at the way the shadows fell across her features under the glimmer of the waning moon. He resisted the urge to touch her cheeks and brush them away. It has been far too long.

Under his gaze, Cagalli felt her resolve weakening. It was as if he was drawing her out in a dream. She clenched her fists, her mind struggling. She can't dream now. Not now. She _needed _an explanation. Quietly, she inquired. "Why didn't you just tell me the truth earlier?" Her words simpered in slight anger and mild curiosity, eyes matching the intensity of his.

He pushed himself off the wall, straightening his body. "I didn't know how to te--"

"Were you afraid that your answer would hurt me?" Face flushed, Cagalli ignored the tears that began to form again around her eyes. "Or perhaps you thought I was already deliriously sick to not see through your lie?" Receiving no replies, she ignored the worried look he gave her and ploughed on with her questions—her temper emerging. "Did you think I was some kind of fool!" Athrun reached for her, but she moved away from his advances, her eyes glared at him. "Don't touch me!" She slammed her fists on his chest. "Why are you here? What do you want from me?"

"Cagalli…Stop….Please…." He enclosed his hands around her fists and pleaded with his eyes. "Please…you might hurt yourself." She roughly pulled her hands away from his, and he reluctantly let go, her breath was ragged and echoed in the room.

She steadied herself with her palm opened against the wall and snapped back. "As far as I know, you're the only one in here who can hurt me."

"I don't understand." He looked confusedly.

Amber eyes flashed at his direction. "Why are you _really _here, Athrun?"

"I wanted to see how you were doing. After Kira had told me the news, I felt…."

She mocked him, an eyebrow finely arched. "_Really_?"

Athrun frowned and took a few steps towards her trembling form. "I wanted to know if I could help you in any way…and…I wanted to let you kn--"

She suddenly flung herself to him, her hands clutching the front of his shirt, and fumed. "You still don't get it, do you?" Cagalli pulled on his shirt, forcing him to bend a little, his face a few inches away from hers. "I don't want your _fucking _pity! I don't _need_ you!"

The confusion melted away from Athrun's face, understanding finally dawning to him, relief and frustration rose in his chest. All these years, he wasn't the only one waiting; she too waited for him. Her amber eyes widened with surprise when he suddenly grabbed her by her shoulders. After she overcame her initial surprise, she tried to wrench from his grasp. "Cagalli…please…Cagalli!" He firmly held on to her, and gave her a little shake. "Listen to me!" Tear-filled eyes glanced up at him, and he felt tears gathering in his as well. "Please listen to me, Cagalli." He pulled her closer and whispered. "It's not pity. I'm not here because I pity you. I'm here because I still care about you. I wanted to tell you that even when I tried to, I never stopped caring." He reached to wipe away her tears. "It's just…why would you think that?"

Watching tears fall from his eyes, she felt lost and confused; and she quickly looked away. "If you really cared for me Athrun, why did you just visit me now—now that I am dying?" She said in a bare whisper, her throat constricted. "Why are you here now?" Her head hung, a curtain of blonde hair obscuring his view of her. She felt tired; sobs overwhelmed her body, and her fists still clung to his shirt. "Why did you have to come back? I've already ran out of hope." He removed his hands from her shoulders to draw her to him, wrapping his arms around her.

"Don't say that." He croaked.

She struggled with her words. "…I-I was already resigned…Athrun…the doctors…they couldn't do anything anymore…And…there was nothing else to do but to accept it..." Cagalli sniffled against him. "But you," She said rather accusingly, "you had always given me hope…why did you have to come back?"

He tilted her chin to face him, and gently moved strays of hair away from her face by tucking it behind her ears. "Because…after all this time…I realized…dreaming or not… I don't know how to let you go."

* * *


	5. Ch 4: Repos Pour Les Fatigués

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Seed/Destiny.

A/N: This chapter was written a long time ago, but I was initially dissatisfied with it. Honestly, I still am, but I do not have time to re-write. I feel that the characters seems so OOC and its teetering on the brink of sappiness. Please review, I love constructive criticism. _Italicized texts are flashbacks_.

**Chapter 4: Repos Pour Les Fatigués (Rest for the Weary)**

**!!!!!!**

"Have you been here all this time?" Cagalli's head shot up at the sound of the voice and smiled apologetically to her new visitor.

"Why have you been looking for me?" Her question earned her a slight frown from Athrun.

"Only the whole household has been looking for you, Cagalli," he raised a finger, halting Cagalli's question from leaving her mouth. "That's what happens when you skip lunch."

"Sorry," she mumbled, moving her eyes away from his disapproving glance, and returning them to the half-written speech on her desk. "I just didn't have much of an appetite. Lately, the pills have been making me more nauseous."

"That's why you rest," Athrun replied somberly, his eyes hovering around her pale face until they followed her line of vision to the scattered paperwork around her. She glanced at his approaching figure and grinned cheekily, trying to hide the frustration she had been feeling. She hadn't realized how hard it was for her to let go of her position until she had began to draft her resignation and to search for a viable candidate to be her replacement.

"Ever the mother hen, Athrun" she said teasingly at his serious behavior, but immediately stopped upon receiving a dry look from him. "And I appreciate it very much," she added quickly, then, paused as she followed his gaze. "But I need to finalize my resignation and announce it. It's only right that I do this as soon as possible."

"You think too much about other people but not enough about yourself," he retorted, his voice rising a bit. Her forehead scrunched in to a frown, eyes narrowing a bit, trying to discern the source of his behavior.

"What is wrong with you? Why are you getting so angry?"

"Because you're not taking care of yourself! Like always you're working yourse--," he halted, unwilling to finish his sentence. He turned away from her, but her somber voice drew his attention back to her.

"To death?"

"I'm sorry," he replied timidly, his hand scratching the back of his head. "I didn't mean it like that."

"It's alright. I know everyone is worried about me. But it's…I don't know…" she gazed down at her hands, which have seemingly become thinner—from inside of her, she could feel it, something was slowly eating her away. At the thought, she felt a part of herself basked in sadness, the other cowered in fear, but a small part of her felt nothing—numbed by the irony of everything. "It's bound to happen," she said between thinned lips. Athrun saw a ghostly smile slip in to her features, and his face looked questioningly at her. "Everyone dies."

The words pricked him and frustration began to boil in him. "Don't say that!" Athrun's face reddened with anger. "Why have you given up already?!"

She slammed her fists at the desk and pushed herself up, leveling her eyes to his. "Who said I wanted to give up? I don't have a damn choice about this." She grounded out harshly, her vision of him slowly melting in to tears. God when did she start crying this much?

"Don't you think I want to live a _little_ longer? Enjoy this peace we've worked so hard for!" With head bowed, her voice suddenly dropped in to a mere whisper; cracked and hollow. "After everything we had sacrificed for, don't you think I would want to make the most of it?"

He slipped his finger underneath her chin, and lifted her tear-streaked face towards his. "Then let's," he whispered back, drying her tears with his other hand. The sadness written in her face subsided to confusion as she furrowed her brows at him. He smiled mysteriously and leaned in a bit closer.

"Let's make the most of it." His lips breathed in to hers, though not touching only a breath separated them. It was far closer than Cagalli had initially thought it to be, and the realization brought color to her cheeks. Suddenly, he stepped back and offered his hand to hers. "Come on," he said enthusiastically, tilting his head to the door, a smile spreading in his lips.

She lifted her hand towards his then hesitated; her gaze coming across of her unfinished farewell speech lying on top of more paperwork. "I can't. I'm not done yet."

"Cagalli," the young man said more sternly. "Your work will still be here when we get back," he paused, before adding more thoughtfully. "And a change of scenery always helped a writer's block."

"You promise?" she said almost child-like, her hand sliding on top of his outstretched ones.

He grinned. "So I've heard. But in case it backfires, don't worry I'll help you with it."

"Have you written speeches before?" she glanced at him curiously as he opened the door for her.

He turned to her and shrugged. "No, not really. It can't be that hard, right?"

"You're kidding me, right?" she said exasperatedly and attempted to head back to her study room, but Athrun easily tugged her back to his side.

"Don't worry," he smiled reassuringly. "I took a speech class in military school."

"Athrun! The military only drafts ultimatums!"

He chuckled at her protest and proceeded to pull the irate woman away from the door.

"It's better than nothing."

**!!!!!!**

"Where exactly are we going?" she questioned, impatience flaring in her voice, and the car halted in response.

"We're here," he announced grandly, before stepping out of the car with hands gesturing at the area. Cagalli sighed, exiting the car and her eyes surveying the trees that surrounded them. Athrun slightly bended to his car, rummaging in the backseat for the picnic basket Mana had happily prepared for them. He could remember how the old woman's eyes twinkled at his as she handed him the basket.

Cagalli returned her gaze to Athrun, who had walked up beside her, clutching a basket in one hand and a blanket in the other. "Where is here?" she asked suspiciously, her eyes returning to her companion.

"We're along the shorelines of a beach, couple miles away from your summer house," he said staring at her then, chuckling softly at her surprised look.

"What are you staring at?" she demanded, fuming furthermore at the sound of his amusement. "Are you laughing at me?"

"It is quiet interesting how you're quiet unfamiliar with an area that you not only rule but live so close by." Athrun smothered his chuckles, not wanting to provoke the blonde-haired woman any further.

Crossing her arms in front of her, she upturned her nose away from him and answered back haughtily. "Point exactly. _Rule_ not _tour_." And for that moment as Athrun gazed at her rebellious stance, it retrieved images of her former livelier self, he felt himself smile.

Cagalli glanced back at him, only to find him gazing at her. She felt her cheeks redden, while quietly scolding herself for her childish reaction and hoping that he had not noticed it. Athrun quickly looked away like a caught little boy, color slightly rising in his face. He shook it away and beckoned to her.

"I think you will like this place. Come on."

For a few minutes, they pushed through branches and bushes, when Cagalli noticed the change on the texture of the ground as more and more sand enveloped the soil. She suddenly stopped in her tracks as she felt a bout of dizziness overcome her. With closed eyes, she leaned against the trunk of the tree and began massaging her forehead, trying to will it away.

"Are you ok?" Athrun asked, eyeing her worriedly and placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Yes. I just feel a little dizzy right now," she managed out, opening her eyes to look at him. "This happens sometimes," Cagalli smiled reassuringly at him, "no need to panic. I'll be fine. Just need to let it pass."

"Would you like to sit down?" Athrun pressed on, already reaching for the blanket to spread it out. She again closed her eyes and shook her head, pinching her nose for some relief. The sound of crashing waves dominated the silence between the two until Cagalli announced that her dizziness had passed and she began to unsteadily trudge back to their path.

"What?" she craned her neck behind her as the hand in her wrist pulled her back. Athrun pointedly ignored her question as released her wrist and placed the blanket on top of the picnic basket, securing it with the basket's handles. He turned his back to her and slightly crouched. Cagalli's mouth gaped open and stared at him incredulously.

"I know you are not pleased at my suggestion," he began somberly, tilting his head towards her. "But I can't let you walk."

"Athrun," she protested, her cheeks coloring. "This is ridiculous! I can walk on my own."

He straightened his posture and faced her. "You looked tired. It's just a precaution and I won't tell anyone."

She hesitated, shifting her weight from left to right, her eyes staring at her feet. Her hand clutched her forehead, feeling still a bit lightheaded. She finally moved her gaze to him and sighed. "Fine if you insist, but not a word to anyone."

He grinned, "I promise, princess."

**!!!!!!**

She watched in silent awe as the blue sky gradually turned grayish while skirmishes of orange and red followed its wake. The death of the sun was always beautiful—a natural watercolor masterpiece that few could imitate. But death…death was never beautiful; it is tragic and full of grief. Tears slowly filled her eyes, her mind wandering to her father's words.

…_be strong Cagalli..._

_Live a happy life…_

Happy? Was she ever happy?

"What's wrong?" He asked. He scooted closer, wrapping his jacket around her frail body. She stilled his hand with hers and looked up to him.

"Athrun," Her voice quivered. "Were you happy?"

He frowned. "What do yo—"

"I meant when you were here with me at Orb…after the first war…were you happy?" Her eyes moved away from his, half-afraid of what his reply would be.

His face softened, thinking of the years passed. When he was in that cockpit ready to detonate himself, her words stopped him and gave him hope.

_To live is an even greater fight_

And he knew that with her, he had found a kindred spirit: someone who would share with him the same pain of losing a father. But unlike him, she was far stronger than he as she wasted no time to follow her father's footsteps, while he continued to stumble behind the shadows of his memories. He was so full of guilt, that behind his polite smiles a brooding mind existed. But she, she saw through it and tried to lighten his burden as she carried hers, offering him a second chance in life with her at his side.

Earth was very different from the Plant. It was fuller with life, just like she was. Her sudden outbursts of impatience had the most adverse effect on him as it would bring a smile to his face, which in return would earn him a glare. But what he liked most about being at Orb were those quiet, albeit handful, moments they had together, when she would have that small shy smile on her lips and a red streak of blush across her cheeks. It made him forget the memories that would resurface in the dead of the night.

He felt tears gather around his eyes as he turned her to face him again. "I was Cagalli. You didn't even have to ask." He tucked away her falling hair to her ear and pulled her closer to him. "I was always grateful to you for asking me to stay with you. You helped me chased away my doubts…even if it was for awhile." She leaned in closer to him, hearing his voice quiver.

"I'm sorry for not fully giving you a new life." She said fighting through her tears.

"No..no..what you did for me…it was enough. I just had so many questions after the war, and I was too busy trying to find answers, when in truth, I already had the answers."

"Athrun," She reached out and put her arms around his neck. "You should have told me."

"I—You had more important matters to worry about." She struck his chest with as much strength she could muster.

"Athrun Zala! Don't ever think you are not important to me!"

He clutched her small fist mid-stride and slowly intertwined their fingers. "I know. I never said that." He said placatingly—softly kissing her forehead. "But I would never ask you to choose between me or your country."

Cagalli glanced back towards him, eyes full of tears. With her other hand, she softly touched his cheek. "Were we foolish then?"

Her question caught him off guard, he had always wondered it himself, but could never bring to answer the question. He frowned slightly. "I don't know. Do you think we were?"

She glared at him. "You're a bad liar as always. You're evading the question."

He smiled slightly and leaned closer to her face. "So are you." Her cheeks reddened at his actions and she turned to look away, but he gently placed his hand underneath her chin and tilted her face to his. "Cagalli?" he asked rather shyly, his eyes boring through hers, "may I kiss you?"

Cagalli could feel her cheeks become warmer than it already was and found herself entranced by his hooded eyes. They were beautiful, often mysterious and silent, but now they were looking at her full of longing. Cagalli felt her throat dry and her heart throbbed faster against her chest. Her eyes fluttered shut, feeling Athrun lean in closer to her with his arms sliding around her waist.

His lips were cool against hers and she felt a shiver run through her spine. Cagalli wasn't sure how long their kiss lasted, but to her it felt like an eternity. Her fingers absently ran over her reddened lips, trying to catch her breath, eyes a bit distracted. Was this what she wanted? Was this what he needed?

Athrun's worried voice called out to her as he carefully tucked her hair behind her ears. "Is everything ok?"

She dismissed his worry with a small smile that Athrun knew did not reach her eyes. "I'm alright," she kissed him lightly in his cheek before standing up, dusting the sand from her clothes. "We should get going. I think I can hear my little brother worriedly calling out my name," she added jokingly, her hands already putting their things away.

She ignored the worried look Athrun gave her.

**!!!!!!**

The ride back was full of awkward silence, and Athrun was beyond loss as to what had caused her sudden withdrawal from him. Did he push it too far? Was she not ready? These questions bounced back and forth in Athrun's mind as he gave Cagalli the space she apparently needed.

It wasn't until they reached the front door that Athrun couldn't hold himself back. Before Cagalli could knock on the front door, he stepped between her hand and the door, eyes looking down at her questioningly. "Did I do something wrong?"

She turned her eyes away from his, bowing her head a bit, uncertain of how to convey her thoughts. "Was it the kiss?" Athrun asked quietly, placing his hands on her shoulders, his heart quivering at the thought. "I didn't mean to be too forward."

Her eyes snapped back at him, staring back at him pleadingly. "It's not that Athrun," she averted her eyes again, and took at step back from him, his hands slipping from her shoulders in the process. "I don't think it was a good idea," she said in small voice, straightening her posture as if she had finally made up her mind before looking up again, her voice more certain. "I'm sorry."

"Where have you guys been?" the door swung wider, and Athrun took his eyes off Cagalli, who seemed at loss. "Dinner is ready."

"I took her to the beach," Athrun answered distractedly, watching Cagalli walked passed him and her brother making her way towards the dining room.

Kira noted this odd exchange and felt something wrong. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah. Everything is fine," his friend replied, walking passed him and following his sister's footsteps. And even as Athrun gave him a small smile, Kira knew that inside it was another story.

**!!!!!!**


End file.
